July 2015 Book List

Here is a list of the books I’ve read this month in the order I read them. There were some false starts in between but these are the ones I read in their entirety. While most of the books I read from start to finish have value, any starred titles are the month’s top recommendations. Feel free to comment about a particular book or if you want more info, I’ll post a mini review.

• Godslayer by Jacqueline Carey **
• Tempter by Nancy A. Collins
• The Martian by Andy Weir**
• Wicked Business Janet Evanovich (audiobook)
• The Little Paris Bookshop by Nine George **
• The Library at Mount Char by Scott Hawkins
• Apartamento Magazine Issue 15

Modern Farmer

If you are interested in watching the comedy, Modern Farmer, here is the wiki page, the original soundtrack and the link to episode 1

http://www.viki.com/videos/1053389v-modern-farmer-episode-1

http://wiki.d-addicts.com/Modern_Farmer_OST

http://asianwiki.com/Modern_Farmer

Strawberry Fields

Give or take, 6 years ago I met Yans* and we started an interesting romantic relationship that has lots of trouble flourishing because we were in different places in our lives. That’s the diplomatic version. The real version was Yans lied to me, to others and, most recently (and most devastatingly) to himself.

So after pushing and pulling me, he broke my heart by saying we didn’t mesh and he didn’t want to be with me anymore. So I planted a strawberry plant. I wanted to spend the last few minutes each night, those quiet moments when I’m thinking and can’t sleep thinking about something that wasn’t Yans related. So strawberries.

Because it causes me to worry about something else than whether he misses me or not. Whether he has met someone that he “meshes” with. My brain is my worst enemy at times and I have been known to stay up the entire night thinking about a particular person or situation. I worry, over-analyze and get sick.

With my first attempt at gardening, I can’t spend time thinking about Yans. This strawberry plant (Ringo) has to grow strong and big. So I spend those lose minutes, contemplating his watering, his position in the sun etc. It pained me the other day to see the harsh heat wave had caused one of his leaves to shrivel up.

Every little sprout is encouragement for me. This is a beautiful little plant with lots of life. So Yans and I ended. Maybe its like when a plant fruits, but the fruits aren’t eaten so they die. There are still seeds. And seeds can sprout. And sprouts can grow.

I’m still heart sick. I still wait for him to come back, but I”m also no longer crying at night or thinking he was my only prospect of love.

For all my dark humor, I’m a romantic. I want to fall in love–I think love makes great things flourish even more. Love gives new possibilities and strength. I want to find love again. And I’ve started with Ringo. I give him the love that Yans doesn’t want. And I see that Ringo actually appreciates and flourishes with it.

Why give love to someone that doesn’t want it and thus refusing that same effort of love to something or someone that truly needs it?

Giving love to Ringo has made it possible to exist. I created something alive and that will have a lovely life.

I’d like to say this will be my one and only post about Yans. But it won’t. I’m human. And I know he’ll try to contact me sooner than later**, but I’ve got strawberry plants to grow!***

*Fictional name to protect identity of actual person

**Two days after he told me he needed space, needed time apart and didn’t want our relationship, he messaged me “hello”–I’m sure this will not be the last I hear from him.  Or maybe I should believe it is the last time.

***On the topic of growing stuff, check out the Korean drama Modern Farmer. The series is great, except for the final episode. Here’s a link to the first episode:

http://www.viki.com/videos/1053389v-modern-farmer-episode-1

A Tentative Start

I’ve done this before. Write a blog in the hopes that I can gain followers, which would create interest in my fiction. I admit, I wasn’t really thinking about my audience when I would write about what I liked or was interested in. Most of the pieces I published were weird academic prose about bad video games.

I’ll try to take a different approach. Oh, I’ll keep writing about bad video games, but I won’t try to create a tone. I’ll just write. And hopefully I’ll create a group of like minded readers.

This year, I don’t want to cower and hide from life (so I’m going to spend hours in front of my computer writing to an unseen audience on the internet). I’ve spent a long time waiting and hoping, to the point where I have become inactive. I am reactivating (this is my favorite word–as a kid believed I was a dormant super soldier waiting for  directives).

If you are willing to be a reader, thank you and tra la la.